


bulletproof love

by kyokyou



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, Music, Romance, Sad Ending, Slice of Life, ptv - bulletproof love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyokyou/pseuds/kyokyou
Summary: seunghyun's love for jiyong was bulletproof, but jiyong was the one who shot him.





	bulletproof love

**Author's Note:**

> a story i wrote back in 2012. this is one of my favourites (together with jongkey one under same title and similar idea but different deliverance) as this was a huge turning point for me as a writer. made some minor edits!
> 
> ps) 18+04=22

**_"I breathe you in with smoke, in the backyard lights._ "**

Seunghyun still smells the lingering scent of cigarettes and smoke and all that screams out _jiyongjiyongjiyong_. He sweeps his gaze over the empty apartment (save for furniture) and wonders.

 

**_"We used to laugh until we choked, into the wasted nights_."**

Jiyong hands a cigarette over and Seunghyun shoots him a look. "You know I don't smoke," he starts. Jiyong laughs "You _stopped_." He corrects; Seunghyun shrugs, eyebrows arched and a slight grin forming. "Don't you miss it? Don't you get tempted?" Jiyong asks and Seunghyun almost loses his mind staring at Jiyong's big brown eyes staring back, lips parting; cigarette between his fingers. He swears he sees a tiny flick of tongue. 

"Why?" Seunghyun asks, word slightly slurred.

"I dunno," Jiyong gazes at the night sky. "I mean, _I_ still smoke—though I try to quit; they are excuses—and you know we kiss and stuff, so you'll taste smoke and..." he trails off, getting embarrassed he brings such silly matters up. He turns a few shades redder because he still feels Seunghyun's eyes on him. 

Seunghyun laughs, promptly gets up and walks towards Jiyong, bends down and leans in, painfully slowly, (damn him, Jiyong still feels his heart hammering madly and they've already been together for a year) and presses his lips against the younger's. Seunghyun kisses him gently and slowly, lips brushing, and Jiyong slips his hand entwining with Seunghyun's hair. He pulls away, and looks Jiyong in the eyes (still feeling his heart at his throat) and smiles, "I'm addicted to _you_. You're my brand of heroin." Jiyong can't help but break into laughter, a calming warm sensation wrapping around him and his stomach all butterflies and shit.

Seunghyun likes it, he likes hearing Jiyong laugh—a pretty ring to his ears, and he likes seeing him laugh, eyes all crescent and teeth showing; a wide grin splaying. He likes it all too much. 

 

**_"It was the best time of my life, but now I sleep alone_."**

Seunghyun rolls over to his side on the bed one Sunday morning, lazy and groggy, waking up to a beautiful day, with sunlight streaming in and the cool breeze slipping in but no Jiyong. No—more—Jiyong. Seunghyun swallows and gets irritated as he buries his face into his pillow. He needs to change the damn mattress to a single sized, needs to but keeps forgetting so.

 

(Doesn't really want to.)

 

**_"So darling don't, don't wake me up, because my thrill is gone_.**

Seunghyun doesn't want to get up, doesn't want to entertain the world. He doesn't have Jiyong by his side anymore, to make it all better. He doesn't have Jiyong to look forward to.

 

**_"And you've gone and sewn me onto this bed, the taste of you and me."_ **

Seunghyun's at the furniture shop (clad in all black and carrying a satchel, a brown satchel Jiyong specially bought for him when he went London) and he's finally gotten himself to get a single mattress—or a smaller one—but he isn't listening to the salesman, who's busy blabbering, smiles all strewn onto his face, tailing behind Seunghyun. He voices out sets of different persuading commentaries and Seunghyun still isn't listening. He ends up leaving the store not getting anything. 

 

**_"I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist,_ "**

Seunghyun's sipping coffee and reading the newspaper, glancing at his clock—he still has a good fifteen minutes before he needs to leave for work (in which, too much shit piled up for him to do). His mind should be anywhere but a particular Kwon Jiyong (it still wanders there, Seunghyun decides to let things be) and this time, his mind decides to be cruel, reminiscing about the _first_ time he held Jiyong's hand.

 

They are strolling on the streets (after a movie), with Jiyong in front and Seunghyun stares at the swinging of Jiyong's hand,  _back and forth, back and forth._ He feels like he's being taunted, his temptation to just _grab_ the blonde's hand escalating with every second. He finally lets irrationality take over him and runs towards Jiyong and pulls his hand. Jiyong looks at him, slightly startled but doesn't say anything and looks away, a shy grin breaking on his face.

"Oh look," Seunghyun remembers himself say, "Our hands are such a perfect fit." He interlocks their fingers and Jiyong laughs; laughs because it's cheesy, and laughs because he likes it.

 

**_"And now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon."_ **

Seunghyun screams into the night sky, hands gripping the balcony, rage and sadness mash into one, manifests into something else and lets his voice rip apart the stillness of a Wednesday night. His head tilts down and gaze drops unto the bustling roads of Seoul city, and he wonders briefly if the pain he gets for jumping down (broken arms, broken legs, _broken_ head, ribs—whatnot) measures up to the current pain he's feeling. 

Probably not, he decides so. Because then at least the pain would eventually stop.

 

" ** _This isn't fair, no! Don't you try to blame this on me._ "**

"Why are you being like this, _Hyun?_ "  
  
"Stop it, _Hyun,_ "  
  
"What is wrong with you, _Hyun_?"  
  
"Stop being a jealous prick, _Hyun_."  
  
"You're being fucking unreasonable _Hyun!_ "  
  
"No, fucking lord, I don't like him _Hyun!_ What is wrong with you _Hyun?_ "  
  
"You're getting out of line, _Hyun_."  
  
  
"Why are you being like this?"  
  
  
  
**_"My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me._ "  
**   
Seunghyun doesn't care about the stares thrown into his direction when he's with Jiyong, he doesn't mind the teases his colleagues and friends make for having a _boyfriend._  He doesn't mind at all if anyone ever pokes fun or doubt their relationship. They're the ones in the relationship, they're the ones in _love_ so he doesn't care about the rest. But when Jiyong says something, eyes wide, voice jaded, it breaks Seunghyun apart like the worst.  
  
He doesn't care if someone ridicules his love for Jiyong, or vice versa (actually he does, he'd throw a punch), and no one, Choi Seunghyun knows—no one could break them apart or tear them away. No one, but himself or Jiyong.  
  
"Hyun, I think..." he inhales and pauses. "I think we should rethink _us_."  
  
Seunghyun feels his heart goes dead, his chest ripped open and Jiyong just smiles tenderly with his hands bloody.   
  
  
  
**_"You should sing my name, pretend that it's a song cause forever it's yours._ "  
**   
Seunghyun wonders if Jiyong still feels the same way (it's been a year since—Jiyong—they broke up) and he just wonders, if he ever crosses Jiyong's mind (like how he does all the fucking time). Would that be regret, sadness, or not at all?  
  
  
  
**" _And I'll sing along, but I'm barely hanging on, no I'm barely hanging on._ "  
**   
It's their anniversary—fourth if they were still strong—and Seunghyun deliberates if he should send him a text. Maybe Jiyong is scared, just like him, maybe Jiyong doesn't know how to approach Seunghyun either. They can't be lovers—why not be friends? (Painfully cliche, Seunghyun notes.) He'll send a text sometime during the day, right now he has _work_ to focus on. Yeah, he'll send one.  
  
At the end of the day, he saves all the texts as drafts, and before he knew it, it becomes midnight and the 22nd is over, and so does his courage (which was never really there to begin with).  
  
  
  
**_"And now there's nothing to do, but tear my voice apart, nothing to do and scream at the drunken moon".  
_**   
Seunghyun's love for Jiyong was bulletproof, but Jiyong was the one who shot him.

 

 

**END.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i write for bts now. maybe i'll get around to my coldflash fic one day...u can request a fic on [tumblr](https://sugadrms.tumblr.com/) or come say hi at [twitter](https://twitter.com/sugadrms) (•ө•)♡


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